I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
