Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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