god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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