I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
