2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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