I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am naked and annoyed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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