Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
