I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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