Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
