I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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