so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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