Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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