dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
