i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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