He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
