There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
