sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
