My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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