Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
