He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
