so explain again why im purple
no
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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