hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
