Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
