fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
