Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
