Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
