I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
