ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
