so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
