at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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