And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
