My first STD was from a foam party
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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