i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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