I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
