I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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