he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
