You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
