im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
