32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
