She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Every concussion has its silver lining
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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