She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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