Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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