I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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