So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
