Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
