Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
