He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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