I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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