whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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