I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
